The Year Is Almost Half Over

The Year Is Almost Half Over

Wait, what did I just say?

The year is what?!?!?!?!?! Okay, can someone please tell me where this year has gone? For me, quite possibly, it has gone to sleep.  This Graves Disease is kicking me in the rear.  Post my last Endocrinologist appointment, my medication has been increased.  Crossing my fingers that this helps.  The symptoms of having my thyroid ablation are certainly taking a physical toll.  I went from a multitasking maniac to a lazy blob! My ambition to do anything other than sleep is at an all time low.  I am not sure how long the increased dosage takes to make an effect, but it has now been 4 days. So far, I have been a bit more productive, albeit not as much as I would like. On the upside, my ophthalmologist says I am at 20/20 and my vision issues are simply eye fatigue.  Guess all this sleeping makes my eyes tired?????

My over ambitious self has a million tasks that I want to do, plus a million more that are presently incomplete…  The biggest of which being the book I am presently illustrating.  It has been 5 months now….normally by now, I would have had everything complete, and here I sit still working on the illustrations! Thankfully, the author and the production company are completely understanding and patient with me. I wish I could be as patient with myself.

One of the illustrations I am presently working on

I have acquired new tools to begin my greeting card line endeavor. It seemed silly to allow another company to sell my cards and reap the rewards by keeping the lion’s share of the profits for my work and design. Thankfully, my family is extremely supportive in this expensive venture. Anything artistic I try to do, they always allow me to dive in head first.  Their support is an amazing blessing for which I shall always be grateful.  I also know the investment is not foolhardy when my daughter is a creative artist too.  Now, if only we had a home that would support this both structurally and specially we would be set! If I sell enough cards…

First trial making a shadow box card

I also received my new set of lenses.  Photography has become one of my favorite hobbies lately. There is something so incredibly satisfying about capturing what I see as I see it and being able to share it with others.  My art is always fantasmical and photography has become my realism. Nature is simply too gorgeous to not photograph.

cool mishap, picture of the lens

Then there is this little high schooler here.  How my baby has turned into a high schooler seemingly over night is beyond me.  With high school comes career choices and extra studies, college focusing and testing.

Adding in the little other chores life provides, cooking, cleaning, pets, review, etc….

So sleeping over 8 hours each day is not acceptable, yet if I get less than 10 I am unable to function lately. This is even with coffee!






Life With Diabetes

When you are born with Diabetes life can be a little different for you than for those around you.  Especially when it is not discovered right away.

Growing up I did not go to the doctor regularly.  I went for my required immunizations for school of course, but other than that I never saw a doctor.  Only as an infant with kidney issues, which at the time seemingly were rectified by treatments prescribed from my pediatrician.

It was not that my Mom wasn’t a good parent.  She was a single mother who worked 6 days a week, with zero help. My maternal Grandmother also lived with us until I was 10.  I was never (obviously or outwardly) sick. There were no outside symptoms to cause alarm to anyone. For all purposes, I appeared to be a healthy and happy child.

As I entered my teen years it became apparent that something was very wrong.  Thankfully a kind ER doctor paid attention, and  at my second visit to the ER, requested a full blood lab be done. It was then discovered I was a diabetic.  I also then learned I had been born this way.  Although it was caught, the years of being undiagnosed had already taken their toll.

Fast forward to 2017…many, many years later.

I have not minded the neuropathy.  It began when I was 15 along with arthritis.  Although debilitating, I have learned to adjust to the level 10 pain and live with it drug free. No I am not some heroic moron who doesn’t believe in medications…. It is simply that no medications have helped. The medications usually caused terrible side effects and never even made a dent on my pain!  I also have learned to deal with losing my vision and gastroperisis. The stage 3 chronic kidney disease is very scary, but I am also living with that.

BUT…..being told that my memory issues may be diabetes of the brain and discovering this is paramount to dementia is NOT acceptable.

How in the world is this even remotely possible? I mean, seriously????? Lose my mind? I am not even 50!

At first I attributed my memory slips to being extremely over extended with my obligations.  When I could not remember if I ate breakfast when it was lunch time however,  then knew there was a problem. I was suddenly experiencing a little more than simple forgetfulness.  Suddenly the fears of being blind or unable to draw because neuropathy had taken my hands, or being on dialysis three times a week no longer were my greatest fears.  The idea of my child looking at me and me one day not even knowing who she is…..that… SCARY.

When Mom was here living with us, slowly deteriorating as a result of the cancer which consumed her brain, I experienced that look. My Mother looking at me, my best friend, my hero, not knowing who I was.  She called me Daddy, more than once. That feeling I had, I would not wish that on any child, especially not my own.

SO now, I wait…..I have a neurologist appointment scheduled a few months from now.  In the interim, I am also to have an uptake, iodine radiation as I am having further thyroid issues despite the 3 yrs of therapy and there seems to be a nodule present. How ironic that the idea of possible cancer does not nearly scare me as much as losing my mind.

I have not shared this with anyone but for my closest friend and my husband and daughter, as they were in the room when the doctor mentioned it.

Suddenly my endless obligations and my work all seem so inconsequential. The things I worried about really are so trivial at the end of the day.

Time….that is what matters.  Spend it wisely. You never really know how much we are being granted, do we?